Love is Not A Victory March
by Architectoftheuniverse
Summary: After "Goodbye Stranger" Castiel finds Meg. The results are not pretty. -I'm not even sure what this is, it was late, I was bored, I got a plot bunny. It is weird, because it's late. Fair warning.


The first thing Castiel had done once he knew he was absolutely safe from Naomi was check on his friends. Dean, Sam, they were all fine. But when he went to find Meg was when he hit trouble.

He couldn't find her anywhere.

Castiel had panicked, maybe a little more than he should have, and searched pretty much every corner of the globe discreetly as possible. It had also helped keep Naomi off his trail, but all Cas could think about was finding Meg.

And he found her alright. Just not the way he wanted to find her.

Castiel had wanted to pin her and kiss her just like the first time. He wanted to order pizza and move some furniture around like Meg suggested. He had wanted to be with her, he had wanted, no_, still_ wanted. And of course God seemingly went out of his way to erase all those wants,_ again, _because instead of pizza and movies, when Castiel had found her around midnight, Meg was sprawled across a cold warehouse parking lot, the blood from the stab wound through her chest still pooling around her like a grotesque painting.

At first it hadn't registered. Castiel went statue still and just stared, because the thought of losing another friend was just too much. Still confused, he took in the details.

Meg's blonde-brown hair(That they had been planning on dyeing back to brown together after everything was over)spread, ironically, like a halo around her head. The sticky but slowly drying blood pool soaking into her clothes and the ground around it, turning everything a dark red, a color Castiel thought honestly suited Meg. The smell of leather and demon smoke still permeating the air, tinged with a flower smell Castiel had come to associate with his beautiful beautiful Meg.

And then his brain sparked back to life and his world fell apart.

Castiel takes a hesitant step forward, waiting for Meg to pop up and say it was just a trick. She's a demon, she faked it to get away from Crowley, she must have because his beautiful, strong Meg doesn't die. _Can't _die.

Of course Meg doesn't move.

He hears a loud, heart breaking sob and realizes it came from _him. _It tears itself up through his stomach, wrenches its way through his throat and out his mouth, and the garbled wail that ensues echoes eerily around the empty parking lot.

Another sob. Then another, and another, and soon the chilling cries are tumbling from his mouth one after the other, but no tears. Castiel never cries, he has only cried five times and only after major things like when he rebelled from Heaven.

He takes another quivering step and falls to his knees, unable to stand anymore under the weight of everything. Because it isn't just Meg. He is remembering everyone he ever killed, who died because of him or because of his actions, his friends who drop like flies. Get close to the Winchesters and you have sealed your fate. And now he has to deal with the angel tablet, and Naomi, and this time Dean can't help, no one can, he is alone. _Alone alone alone alone._ No Balthazar, no Rachel, no Dean, no Meg, not even Bobby.

Everyone is dead. Everyone, and ithurts. Castiel wails to the moon.

He's lying in Meg's blood, he realizes distantly. It's on his trenchcoat, on his hands, and all he can see is blood blood blood.

He doesn't bother to wash it off. He can't, because the blood is Meg's mixed with everyone he's ever killed. So much blood, in his eyes and hair, everywhere for everyone and the world is covered in so. much. blood.

With trembling hands Castiel reaches forward and picks Meg up softly, sliding her vessel onto his lap and cradling her gently. All hopes he had of Meg being alive are wiped away, as he can visibly see the burnt demon smoke floating around inside her vessel. Annabelle Cary, a girl from Cheboygan who moved to L.A to be an actress. Rather talented at it actually, but she had been unlucky enough to catch Meg's eye.

Castiel makes an Enochian sigil on Meg's chest and starts rocking back and forth, murmuring broken Enochian and sometimes prayers, occasionally even singing snippets of some of Meg's favorite songs.

Right then in that moment, it was just Castiel and Meg. An angel and demon who defied the stereotypes to the extreme and fell in love.

They stay like that until the dawn, a bloodied angel wrapped around an equally bloodied demon.

(Of course one is dead and the other is having a mental breakdown.)

In the end it's the police who find them. Demons and angels fighting could cause quite a disturbance.

It didn't really help that Castiel's grief had blown all the trees in a fifteen mile radius to the ground.

Castiel knows they are coming even before he hears them and he wants to run, take Meg's vessel and run in the silly hope she could return somehow, but he knows he can't. Annabelle's family needs closure, even if it means finding their daughter dead. It would be cruel to let Meg's vessel just vanish. So he slips Meg off his lap and sets on the gravel, smoothing her hair as he looked at the peaceful smile on Meg's face. It had been there the whole night.

He stands up, bones cracking, and with a thought the dried blood covering his front is gone. He's back to Castiel, angel of the lord, running from Naomi. Of course he misses Meg, but there is no time to continue his breakdown. It is over and finished.

Distantly he hears the sirens speeding down the road, and he takes one last look at Meg, trying to memorize her every detail. He quickly fishes for her wallet and surprisingly Meg had kept it. It's a horrible picture, taken of her vessel when she was young, but he has no pictures to remember Meg by and something is better than nothing.

Castiel kneels down as low as possible and kisses Meg's forehead, wincing at how cold it is. He hesitates, and kisses her on the lips.

A splash of water spills from his eye, drips down his face and lands on Meg's cheek. A single tear, his first in a long, long time.

The police swerve into the parking lot.

He flies.

But right before he does he swears he feels a delicate hand on his shoulder and a whispered "_I'm here Clarence." _echoing on the wind.

Years later, he finally gets the reference and laughs. No one notices the silent tear that drips onto the carpet below.

_Baby I have been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
You know I used to live alone before I knew you.  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

_-_Hallelujah

**Authors Note:** I do not own Supernatural or it's characters. Anyway, I'm not even sure what this is. Drabble? Ficlet? Novel? It started off as an idea, it was late and I started typing. So it probably changes topics and makes no sense or whatnot. I really don't know what this is. The only clear thing is Megstiel.


End file.
